its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
