Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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