i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
