I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
