He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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