sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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