Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize