I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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