It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
