I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
