I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
