whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
