I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize