You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
