He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
