This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
