fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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