Pappa wants mamma naked
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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