Having a random hookup so left but love u
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
