i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
