and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
