apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
