Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
