I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize