I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
