Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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