i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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