i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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