She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize