she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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