He disabled his match.com account in front of me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
