I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
