Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
