In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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