So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
