New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
