I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
