I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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