I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
