Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
