don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
