you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
