I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
