you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize