It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
