Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
