3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
