Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize