____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize