Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
