Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
a search helicopter?!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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