you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
