"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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