If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
