since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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