my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
