that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
