what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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