And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
