Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
