I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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