im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Randomize
