At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize