Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
