420 ftw
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
